From ICU to Brand New!

My story 

What would it take for you to really focus on changing your Quality of Life?

 Falling in love?  A exciting New Career?  The birth of a child or grandchild, or maybe winning the lottery? These are all Life changing events ! How about a Brush with your own mortality ? How about finding yourself in a do or die situation? That's what it took for me!

15 years ago something happened to me that would turn out to be the the biggest blessing of my life!  I was 40 years old,  lying in a hospital bed, hooked up to an oxygen machine  in  the Cardiac Care Center at Mount Carmel hospital. This doesn't sound like much of a blessing does it? Stick with me,  it really was!

 Doctors, Nurses; prodding, poking, drawing blood, and worse yet, Blood Gasses! I don't know if your familiar with this procedure? Its very similar to getting a root canal with a black and decker power drill. Being checked  for hyrnea, by a gorilla using channel lock plyers. While also getting a  prostate exam by  Freddie Krueger, all at the same time! So yeah, pretty unpleasant to say the least!

Worse than all the  testing I was going through was the Diagnosis. Congestive Heart Failure, Brought on by pulmonary adema and a aeortic Heart aneurism! All very terrifying things! Basically in average Joe language, my heart could no longer circulate my blood efficiently. Especially to my lower extremeties, so fluid would back up. I was drowning in my own body! 

I went into  the Mount Carmel Heart unit weighing in at 420lbs! I had been struggling with just the simple task of walking my Daughter from the car, to her 2nd grade class room around 50 yards. This walk would leave me Gassping frantically for air! 

I had a little  hack I remember using to catch my breath. The Elementary Schools Bulletin Board was right across the hall from her class room. I would stand there reading it for several minutes, until I could catch my breath. I could pretty much recite the cafeteria menu and knew every pta function on the calendar. Once I got enough breath,  I would struggle my way back to the car. There I would collapse in the seat. Gasping for air, until I could breath well enough to drive Home! This scenario went on over and over, every day for a few weeks!

Then came my Daughters class  trip to the zoo. Parents were encouraged to come of course. Madison (My Daughter) begged me to go. How could I say no? I came up with the big, bright, genius plan. I took some cold medicine  and a pack of halls mentho lyptus cough drops with me. I attempted to keep my airwaves open, thinking I would be able to breathe by doing this. That day it was 87 degrees at the Columbus Zoo with 100 percent humidity. By the time I made it from the parking lot, through the front gate, I was struggling violently to breath. My heart was beating like the opening drum beat to 

Vanhalens, "hot for teacher"!  My Daughter and I never saw a single animal at the zoo that day!

Later that  afternoon, I was admitted to Mount Carmel hospital.

  The Doctors were very blunt with there diagnoses. The Doctor at the heart center said, "Had I waited any longer to come, I would have Died". Basically, in my condition even admitted in the hospital I was still ringing Deaths doorbell.  Due to the damage to my lungs and heart, I was told I  wouldn't be able to Work again. Also, ordinary  everyday tasks I had previously taken for granted would be challenging. If not impossible for me! 

  I spent over a week in The Mount Carmel Heart Clinic. Considering I had no Health coverage, that was very generous of them. Also a blessing that they gave me such care. It spoke volumes on the grave seriousness of my condition. I was released with a order of 24-7 Oxygen. More medications than you can imagine. Heart pills, blood thinners, blood pressure pills, water pills, 2 different inhalers , a breathing treatment machine, and medicine for my type 2 Diabetes. That  later would progress into insulin dependent, type 2 Diabetes.

 My Health battle would rage on for the next 10 years. Literally a grocery bag full of medication every month. These kept me just well enough to stay on this side of the dirt!

 My Quality of Life was miserable! Overweight, the actual term was stage 3 Morbid Obesity. There's a term that does wonders for your self esteem! I found myself in some pretty Dark places. Physically, emotionally, and in my personal life.

  I suffered with Alcohol and Drug addiction issues.  Bourbon and Percocet my poisons of choice. Can you imagine being in that poor of health, and abusing drugs and alcohol?  It amazes me that I survived at all. Let alone, found my way out of the darkness!

 I can vivedly remember the pain of just wanting to be normal. To have a normal life. To be able to do things, everyday things that most took for granted. For example  breathing, walking up stairs , sitting in a restaurant booth, playing with my kids, buying clothes, or just finding clothes that fit! 

 The frustrating part was my health was so poor back then, most forms of exercise and physical activity were very limited for me. If not down right impossible I felt. Justifybly so, by what my Doctor's were telling me. Dieting alone is a painfully slow process especially when your tethered to your couch by an Oxygen tube. It's so very easy to just give up when results are too slow to notice.

 I have found regret feeds regret!

 One afternoon, I unknowingly found the path that would lead me to where I am today.

 I found it in the most unexpected place.

 My TV remote!

While flipping through the channels, I remember finding this really big excited guy! He was talking to a interviewer. Using a big voice and communicating in a very animated way.

 The things he was saying we're so matter of fact and full of confidence, I believed him! I believed every word he was saying.

 That man was Tony Robbins!

   That very day, I decided while I wasn't physically able to exercise my Body like I wanted I could learn and exercise my mind! I could feed it positive materials. I could learn how it works. Why it works better for some. How to make mine work better for me.

   I studied everything from motivational material, to scientific studies on  different brain waves and there affects on learning and performance. I studied everything I could get my hands on about Phycology! NLP (neurolingistic programming), The power of the subconscious mind, hypnosis and subliminal learning. I also began studying. Learning the Bible and scripture!

   I started noticing something truly amazing and miraculous! The more I learned, the stronger my mind got. The more disciplined I became! My health started to improve or rather I started and stuck with the things that caused my health to improve! Just as I said earlier, regret feeds regret. I found that success feeds success and it has a much bigger appetite. Success is always hungry and wanting more!

   I Found a step forward, is a step forward no matter how small. Going in the Right direction will always get you to your destination!

   Today my life is very different. The Grocery bag full of medication, slowly dwindled to none! That's right, None! No heart pills, no blood pressure pills, no inhalers, no insulin.

  Best of all, No Oxygen tank!

  Yes, Today my life is very different. My Doctor has told me some of the improvements I have made in my physical health, he has only read about in medical Journals!

  He actually nicknamed me the Miracle Man!

  15 years ago, walking 50 yards was a brutal physical challenge. Today I lift weights 5 days a week. I can run. That's right, run not walk 3-5 miles a day!

  The most important training though is always the mind. Staying vigilant and mindful is by far the most important change I made! That's where it all has to start. If not,

any and all results will be merely temporary!

  

I feel very blessed to have been directed on the path I have. To bring myself from my old life, to the life I live now.

  I would love nothing more than to share some of the wisdom and truths I have discovered along the way. I hope I can help you reach your Goals or just improve your Quality of life!

  

  The first, and I mean the very first thing you must do is make up your mind what you want! I mean, what you really, truly, and completely want!

  Maybe it's losing weight, maybe it's sobriety, taking your life back? Maybe to quit smoking, or leaving an unhealthy or abusive relationship? Do you want better health, a better job, or more money? What about a better relationship with your kids or your spouse? No matter what it is, set concrete goals and write them down! I cannot stress this enough! The Bible even says, "Write the vision and make it plain".

  

  When you physically write down your Goal or objective, you make it real! 

  Phycologist say you are almost 50 percent more likely to succeed at goals you take the time to write down. To this day, I make out my work out schedule for the week with a day by day  I view this as my contract to myself. I have found this practice to be extremely valuable in keeping myself motivated!

  The single most important ingredient in self Confidence, is Self Trust! It is Vital that you not only make Promises to yourself, but you  bust your ass to keep those promises!

  Get in the practice of this. Your Self confidence will sky rocket!

  There's nobody coming to rescue us! Nobody can do it for us! Others can inspire us, but it's up to us to Motivate ourselves!

  

   There  are two major types of Motivation. Push motivation, and Pull Motivation.

   Let me explain the difference.  Have you ever had someone insult you? Maybe make fun of you for your inability to do something well or not as good as someone else?  Your response, even if just to yourself was; I'll show them! That's push motivation. I have a quick story from my own life that gives a perfect example of push Motivation. About 6 months into my weightloss and fitness journey, I had lost about 45 lbs. Feeling pretty good about my progress, I was actually starting to feel some pride!  Something I hadn't felt in quite sometime!  My Ex wife, for liability reasons I won't mention her name. For this story's purpose let's call her Beelzebub.

  So one day,  Beelzebub caught me looking at my self in the mirror. You would think  anybody would encourage someone trying to improve themselves and be supportive. No, not Beelzebub. Her response to me was, "congratulations, you lost just enough  weight to be a fat guy". "Maybe if you try really hard, you can lose enough weight to be almost a normal man"!  Wow, what a kick in the head that was!  I let those words burn into my heart and mind! I used those words. As hurtful as they were, I used them to motivate myself. To push myself away from, and to make sure I never heard things like that again!  Fear and panic are other forms of push motivation. Fear can be a very powerful motivator! The problem with push motivators they aren't long term or sustainable. They can be detrimental to your mental health. Causing anxiety and depression! Be very careful if you choose to you use hurt and fear to motivate yourself! You may cause yourself more problems in the long run! 

  

  That brings us to pull Motivators. These are always positive. Pull Motivation is when you focus on the desired result or outcome. For example, how your life will be better when you achieve your goal. All the positive changes that will come with achieving it! 

  Pull Motivation is very sustainable and long lasting since its based on the positive. Pull Motivators are very powerful!  Yes, of course I have a personal example of pull Motivation to share. Glad you asked. My life has undergone many changes I have a awful lot to be grateful for ! What I am  most grateful for is my New Wife. My one, true Wife my soul mate, Jeanine. She is kind, loving, Beautiful, Sexy, and makes me happier than I have ever been in my life! She is my Rock! Did I mention she is Beautiful and Sexy? Of course I did! 

  Anyway, back to my point. See, not only does it seem like she genuinely likes me. She tells me what a man I am all the time. She tells me and everyone else how proud she is to be with me! This in turn makes me  strive to be the best version of me I can be! My Jeanine is not only my happiness and prayers come true! She is a extremely powerful Pull Motivation in my life! 

  As I go on, I want to give you some thing to think about...

  Remember when you were a kid playing Cowboys and Indians? Cops an Robbers?

  Dress up, or Tea Party for the Girls.

  I am talking about playing. Just you, your friends, and your imagination. Not PS5 or whatever the newest game system is.

  I am talking make believe mud pies, sticks for swords or rifles. How many hours upon hours did you have a blast as a kid playing make believe? Make believe or imagination, believe or not is not just child's play!

  They can be powerful tools in achieving goals and or reinventing yourself!

  Your Subconscious Mind can not tell the difference between fact and fiction. This is why you get scared at a horror movie. On the edge of your seat during a action scene. Cry when they have to put old yeller down.

  Admit it fellas, ain't no shame. I am the first to complain of something in my eye when the movie gets emotional! But why? We know we're in a movie. We bought the ticket, the popcorn, even picked a seat. Why can make believe on a screen invoke such emotion?

  Our Subconscious doesn't recognize make-believe.It simply believes!

  Knowing this we can use make believe to our advantage. Changing our physiology, the way we move, stand, carry  ourselves. Our swagger so to speak! We can visualize our goal already achieved!

  

  Visualize yourself as already being the person you're working on being.

  Imagine how you will feel, how you will think,how you will act,  your level of Confidence! How you will walk, talk, and carry yourself.

  Become that version of yourself in your mind first.Be the Rockstar version of yourself in your mind! that's where everything starts! It's a very over quoted statement, but as true now as when it was first said " If you can Believe it you can achieve it"  the Bible even refers to this in Mark 11-24" therefore whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it and it will be yours"

Whatever your goals are identify them very clearly.Reaffirm them daily, several times a day.keep them always fresh in your mind above all else. If you do this often enough throughout the day they will become second nature. Make the focus on your goal your default setting, the place where your mind goes between all other thoughts!

Do the Work! Do the Work! Do the Work! Do the work!

I can't stress this enough! There are no shortcuts! Anything worth having is worth working for! You and I both know what  it's really going to take to reach our own individual goals! There are no magic pills no easy roads! There is only one way! Identify your Goal, get clear in your mind  what you want,

 take massive action and Do the Work!

 

Believe it or not Self Confidence and Self esteem only require the approval of one person, you! A much Wiser man than me once said " Someone else's Opinion of you is None of your business" I really wish I could take credit for that quote, but that was the Late Great Dr. Wayne Dyer. He was absolutely right once you free yourself from the opinion of others, You clear all the traffic and noise from the road you must travel to your achievement. Keep your Journey to yourself at least at first. Others have a way of imposing can'ts on us . Even if they think they are  helping alot of times they will give you a list of can'ts or Why  its  impossible, keep in mind  they are really just telling you there   limitations not yours. Besides when you really look hard at the word impossible the word itself says Im- possible! Even so work Quietly and stealthy until they take notice, They Will!

Has anybody ever cussed you out ?Called you names? Spread ugly rumors and lies about you? In my past life I often was referred to as a P.O.S. I am not sure but  I don't think it stood for perfectly okay sweetie!  If you're like me,  it probably didn't take you long to remember those incidents did it? 

Have you ever noticed a insult or negative remark directed towards you tends to stick with you much longer than Compliments or positive remarks? Ever wondered why you just can't let go of those nasty remarks someone threw at you? They seem to just take up space in your mind until they Rot and start to stink! While something Nice someone said to you can never seem to rest for long in your mind?  This is Because Negative emotions involve more thinking and  reasoning even if your overthinking the insult to convince yourself  it's not true you are still giving it way to much thought.

The worse part  if your putting that insult on trial in your mind both sides, positive and negative are going to present there  case , and guess what ? The Negatives are going to  seem to present a very strong case!

How many  of us have ever felt sick and googled our symptoms? Not the best way to diagnose yourself. How many of us have done that and freaked ourselves out with the possible prognosis? perfect example of the power of negative thoughts!

Phycologist say Negative thoughts weigh up to three times more in our minds than positive thoughts. This really isn't our fault it's kind of hardwired in us it's what Gave our cave dwelling ancestors , a fighting chance in a world where they were on the Dinner menu!

So How can we combat a Genetic Tendency that dates back to the stone age?

A few tips that I have found useful

Savor every Compliment. Big  or small focus on them keep them fresh in your mind for several minutes after you receive them. Remember every word of a compliment or every minute of a positive event. Replay them over and over in your mind.This will make them stickier and quicker to recall when you need them.

Stay in a state of Gratitude, think of any and all The Good things in your life, big or small. Make a mental list for that matter write them down and carry them in your pocket.

It's Extremely hard if not impossible to be Negative when you are in a state of Gratitude!

  Focus on your Breath in times of stress and overwhelming Negativity, breath in positivity and happiness, breath out stress and Negativity. Reapeat this over and over until the Stress and Negativity pass. I know it may sound silly at first . It does really work,

  Buddhist Monks have been using this practice for centuries!

  Live in the Moment, since fear, stress, and Negativity tend to dwell in the past or threaten from  the future.Unless you are in immenent and immediate danger, realize in this very moment, right here, right now, they have no power! Remember Right here ,Right now , this Moment is our only Guarantee!

Look to the Divine.

God's Grace ,and Favor, can do amazing things. The best part is all you have to do is ask, believe, and have faith your blessings are on there way.

That's what I did!

     Thanks for reading my Blog,

     I hope somehow I helped you on your Journey

     God bless!